4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
