Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
