Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
