grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
