turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
