It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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