I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
