I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
