Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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