just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize