drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
