I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
