I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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