we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So squirting runs in the family.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
