You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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