if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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