Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize