Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
