Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
