What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
