Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
