Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Text me some of your sweat
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
