morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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