ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
