I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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