i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
