Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
