I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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