She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
