My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
