The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
