i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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