So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
well you can't waste a boner
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
