she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
