You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
