3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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