he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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