Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
