she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
