is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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