just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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