her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
