So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
