I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
