I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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