i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize