woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
