we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
