I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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