We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
