I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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