Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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