Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
