break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
