I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
