just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize