three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
