There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
