I could make wine with my vomit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
