your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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