He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
