She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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