so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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