my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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