Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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