I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
