i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
