I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
