how do flat chested girls get laid?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She bit a glass in half.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize