I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
