In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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