Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
