O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize