i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
