you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
try to milk me bitch
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