I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
