I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
