I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
