mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
