I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I will be naked everywhere
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize