**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm passing your future prison.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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