Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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