You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You are the jesus of drinking
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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